Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Why is there so much hate in the world?

Here's an opinionated article posted online about Van and his music.  It's strange to read such vitriol about a great artist who has been in the professional music business for over 50 years.  I don't really like the music of Justin Beiber, Susan Boyle, Kesha, Miley Cyrus, etc. but I never feel the need to slam these professional performers.  If you don't like the music of some artist you don't have to go to concerts or buy their music.  My comments about the criticisms are in brackets.  I'm a one-eyed fan for sure.  The website that this was found on has some interesting replies to the article.   

VAN MORRISON – Like A Jelly Roll

Van The Man. What kind of nickname is that? It's as if he was so dull that the couldn’t think of any distinguishing factors of his personality to hang a sobriquet on. (Van has been called many things but dull is not one of them.) Truth is of course that a lot of people have been brought up with the ridiculous notion that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Suddenly the name Van The Man makes sense. Well, I have no such compunction.  (Is this supposed to be clever?  Lots of his fans and admirers have written lots about this superstar of popular music.) 
Van Morrison is a fat, curmudgeonly old Irish git (Lots of people are overweight - more than half the planet.  Also, when you talk about people in their sixties the vast majority are overweight.)(Curmudgeon? If you had his pressures and took the crap he's taken you might come across as a tad curmudgeonly.) (Irish git?  He's proud of being Irish and he's no fool being one of the UK's wealthiest entertainers.) – whose success lies squarely at the feet of Irish isolationism and racism. (???? His success is the result of his skill and talent.) His version of red-eyed soul was the nearest the Republic got to Motown, which is to say that it was significantly distanced by an ocean in between. Adding more Celtic lyrical touches ended up with the boglands version of Joe Cocker wibbling pointlessly about shaking his tush in the moonlight, before losing it all completely on Astral Weeks. (This doesn't even make sense but to criticise "Astral Weeks" is an attack on one of the most significant and praised albums of the 20th century.) What is it about Irish pop stars that compels them to write songs about dancing under the light of the moon? Surely a lack of light would be the only thing that would make the corpulent Morrison and the stick thin (and rotting significantly) Lynott look good.  (Such childish words that need no discussion).

Back to the Moondance album though, when Van was supposedly at the height of his powers – before he started doing Christian rhymes with Cliff Richard. It kicks off with “And It Stoned Me”, a song whose drug pretentions are so hidden that even a nun could work them out. But how – you ask – did this mythical substance stone Morrison? Well, it stoned him – and I quote – “Just like a jelly roll”. Suddenly it all makes sense why Van is so damn fat. A roll. Full of jelly. Lawks a lordy, I bet it isn’t a fruit set jelly either – more the scrapings off of the side of a tin of corned beef. (??? More bizarre attacks on a set of lyrics.  The writer needs to study other lyrics from popular music to see if they make more sense.)
Irish people like doing this, apparently
Of course Van, being the God botherer he is, (Van admits to being an atheist) could mean stoned in the biblical sense. The jelly roll line still makes no sense, (all kids of interpretations have been put forward about Van's use of the term jelly roll. Hundreds of other songs use the same term.) but the fact that he was getting stoned by people who had bought his other records – and not for the first time. And it's happy thoughts like that which will stop me from completely crucifying Morrison in the way he deserves. (He deserves to be crucified?  He's only a popular music performer not Pol Pot.) 

It's a credit to Van and all that he has achieved in the music business to see how much emotion he stirs in people. 

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