Friday, 18 May 2012

Sharay's Moondance Review

You have got to read this!  I've found one of the internet's most humorous album review and it's instantly obvious that not everyone was meant to be a music reviewer like the internet allows.  The following "review" by sharay385 is truly amazing.  Never has there been such ignorance displayed by someone reviewing a Van album.  I wish I had the means to send this guy along to do a face to face interview with Van. Van would sort him out.  Here it is in its entirety:  

Posted by  sharay385 on May 2, 2012
Posted in: Music Blog 3 Professor's Choice. Tagged: Initial, Van, Yeah. Leave a Comment

I wasn’t pissed nor was I happy when I got this album as my choice because I could have gotten something that was truly garbage worthy and which meant every copy of this album should be tossed into an inferno to burn and never be heard. Judging this album by its cover I assumed this album was going to have disco and funk theme songs because it was made during the 70s and that was the time of the disco and funk era. Plus the album title Moondance makes me think of dancing under a disco ball.
After listening to each song this is what I think:

And It Stoned Me   -   What is this? I don’t think I’ve ever heard such a bad song in my life—not true this song sucks more—but this song made no sense to me. Why? because this song isn’t in complete English.  He sounds like he’s chewing sand or tobacco while singing this song.
Moondance   -   Ha!, Just terrible. I can’t believe he’s trying to do jazz music, don’t get me wrong I’m not really a fan of jazz, nor am I a know it all jazz music snob but I’m able to tell the difference between jazz and this pretend garbage.  I think this song should have been left as a demo and not recorded,he kills this song with his monotone voice except for when he screams certain lines in the song.

Crazy Love   -   I’m crazy about this song, its way too short. He sounds so great, he reminds me of someone but I just can’t remember who. For some reason I pictured a black guy singing this, I know that sounds bad but it’s just my mother has played  similar songs like this and the singers have all been black that I know of. This was the only familiar song on this album that is actually the best too. I don’t any complaints about his voice or his diction,because he usually mumbles or smashes his words together like he’s drunk.

Caravan   -   The first thing I thought when I heard this song was what does caravan mean. I do like the piano in the beginning of the song, from the melody at the beginning I assumed this song was an R&B type of song like Crazy Love was. It sounds more like a cross between an old country and possibly R&B.
Into The Mystic   -   This is one of the most forgettable songs I’ve heard on this album. No matter how many times I play this song I can never remember a lyric,chorus or melody. This song is kind of boring and again his diction needs so much work that I thought he spoke a different language other than English with the line:

Hark, now hear the sailors cry
To me it sounds like Hargadarg nog sea the sailors cry. The song isn’t all bad it starts to pick up tempo and the sound increases without my help during the chorus.

Come Running   -   When I  heard the first three seconds of this song I was waiting for Fat Albert to say his line “Hey,Hey,Hey, It’s Fat Albert” because the beginning of the song is so much like the cartoons’ intro music. I well aware that he’s able to change-up his voice for different genre’s but he doesn’t sound anything like himself in this song.
These Dreams Of You   -   This song feels like a country song only because of the type of the familiar guitar melody,I’m confused with who he was about because at first I thought he was talking about dreams of a past lover but then the song takes a left turn when he mentions the line :
Ray Charles was shot down.
This song isn’t my favourite nor is it the worst song but again I never remember the melody or lyrics to this song.

Brand New Day   -   This doesn’t seem to fit the album either every other song is upbeat or at least slow but with a romantic intent, this however is neither.  This song seems to represent the ups and downs in his life, I don’t feel like this song was inspired by any particular memory of his, but just the daily nuances everyone goes through in life.

Everyone   -   I love songs that I’m able to get into right away. I’m not able to remember the beginning lyric but I’m able to remember the chorus because it’s repeated several times.
Glad Tidings   -   This song is a close second to the song I have listened to the least,but I do remember the multiple la’s in this song and that’s it.

I didn’t give a lot of information on every song because I still haven’t quite figured them out and because this album is starting to annoy me. I’m not used to this type of music, I like auto tuned pop songs,not this guy who doesn’t seem to fit into any of those categories, so this album has really taken me out of my music comfort zone.

Album Rating (so unfortunate): 1.3

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