Monday, 27 May 2013

Things I'd Wish Van Would Do - Part 1

What do you wish Van would do?  Never think about it? Well, you're saner then I am.  Here's part of my 40-page "To Do" list for Van:

  1.  Buy rights to all Bang recordings (so we can stop getting all those reissues of inferior recordings.) People hate being ripped off and they think Van's doing it.

2.  Create a release schedule for CDs of every concert Van's done.  Stretch it out over a thousand years or so - Over one thousand years that's a release rate of about 4 per year.

  3.  Take the 34 or 35 studio albums and make 20 great albums from that material.   (Being a Vanatic I've already planned each one.  This idea is mainly to generate new generations of fans.  I'm hoping that in 2034 an album called Tupelo Street Choir will make the Top 10.)

4.  Tour China and India and any other countries with large populations.  A lot of Indians speak English and I think he could do huge sellout concerts there.  He'd do well in China just based on curiosity value.  Same as Japan. Wouldn't it be great to swell the fan base?  Wouldn't it be great to licence your product in Asia?  Think about 100 million Chinese using some herbal supplement under the "Healing Game" brand? Or a wool products label called Veedon Fleece.  Nigeria should also be on the list to market to being the largest English-speaking country in Africa. You've never played in Asia, Africa or South America.  Van, they're waiting.

5.  Tour Australia and New Zealand.  Bring Michelle and the kids and spend some time down here.  Forget 1985, Australia needs you now.  Think of the privacy for your family in North Queensland at some luxury tropical resort in the middle of the tour.  There are resort islands that only take 6 guests.  And Australians have the money to pay outrageous prices.

6.  Assist Simon Gee or whoever to create a permanent Van Morrison Museum in Belfast.  Call it The Music of Northern Ireland Museum if you will and celebrate all the
Northern Irish musicians from the showband era to today.  Imagine, if you will, being able to view Van's pacifier or baby rattle.  This is what fans are crying out for.  This would take some of the pressure off the people who now reside at 125 Hyndford Street.     
7.  Spend months in the studio recording thousands of cover songs.  These albums could be released posthumously.  Van, this is the stuff that will help pay for your kids' and grandkids' education.  If Michael Buble can do this and call it a "music career" so you can too Van.  Contact Rod Stewart's manager for some pointers.     

8.  Start an old people's home for old musicians.  My plan calls for selecting a town in Northern Ireland that's in need of revitalising.  Van buys a hotel and turns it into an old musician's home complete with recording studios and a massive music library.  What a great way to go out for old musos.  They can spend their golden years or whatever talking about , listening to and even making music.  The whole project would be Van's way of putting something back.  Think of the tax benefits he'd get!  Also, the whole thing could be supported by benefit concerts.  Plus some Northern Ireland town in financial difficulty could get a boost. Renovators, nurses, cooks, orderlies, music librarians, etc. would all be needed and cash would flow to the community.  (Note to Bob Dylan:  do this in the US.)
 9.  Reform Them and do a tour.  Surely among the 30 or so members of Them a group of 4 or 5 could be formed into a really good outfit. 

10.  Record a Frank Zappa tribute album.  I'd love to hear Van doing Catholic Girls

11.  I'd really like Van to do a one song album.  This would become his new Astral Weeks.  Another masterpiece to go with the first. His 60 minute piece could be a subtle history of his days from Them to the "jazz stylings" of Born to Sing.  Then he could release the album again as the single!  Perfect!

12.  I know Van isn't into novelties but what about a Van Morrison salt and pepper set .  A younger van could be the pepper and an older Van could be the salt.  We don't use pepper as much, do we? 

After Van reads this surely he's going to hire me as an ideas man.  Even if it's just to annoy Richard Gere or Clinton Heylin with prank phone calls. I could imagine Van and I sitting in his study reading papers and listening to Nick Drake or whatever and he turns to me and says "how do you think I should do my hair?" and I'd answer him and with his new hair he's soon palling around with Simon Cowell and Nicky Minaj and doing duet albums with Katy Perry.  Picture Ryan Seacrest's arm around Van's shoulders. This is what I can bring to Van.  Van, call me. 

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