Saturday, 5 October 2013

Funny Things People Say - Part 3

Heyho   -   Never forgave him for a really poor attitude he had in concert when I saw him years ago.  Played about 50 mins of a totally lethargic, bored out of your head, no hits set then walked off. As I walked out I said 'well that was a pile of crap' only to be lambasted by some die hard fans who basically said 'oooh well that's the beauty of Van, he is so unpredictable'.  Well he can shove his unpredictability up his miserable f###ing arse.

Nat Pearson   -   I know it's a bit far-fetched and unlikely, but, if a new Wilbury is to be chosen, why not Van Morrison?  Morrison's mystical lyric artistry, in particular, would complement Dylan's  edgy writing and George's humour.  He would fit perfectly as to age, experience, and talent into the Wilbury troupe. His songs have almost always been acoustic at heart, keeping in the Wilbury mold of back-to-basics music-making. 

Vic Stanley   -   Nobody would ever say Dylan is a great singer but many would say Van Morrison is. However, when Van is singing in his upper register he's completely tone deaf and painfully out of key. I wonder why nobody has ever had the nerve to tell him. I guess I just answered my own question.

Gary Shannon   -   Somehow, the rumour that Van Morrison was from Louisiana got started back in the late 60‘s when his hit Domino was riding the charts. 

Son of Brock Landers   -   Ugly male singers are everywhere (Adam Duritz, Ben Folds, Van Morrison, that dude from ELO with the shades & afro). Hell, David Bowie is ugly but chicks think he is sexy because he has a British accent, dresses weird-trendy, knows how to apply eyeliner and was pretty gay in the 70s.
M. Johnson   -   Hidden in the garagey R&B are many forms of transgressive sexuality that Van understands (and doesn't merely mimic from the Blues.) as well as a potent mysticism [see Hey Girl, Gloria and My Lonely Sad Eyes.]

As to the sexuality- well, it's most evident in Madame George, of course ["the hallway lights are slowly getting dim/ you're in the front room touching him,] but already the THEM and Bang! material, as well as ASTRAL WEEKS, Van makes reference to old homo paedophiles and well as his troubling desires for 14 year old girls. Van never made perversions his primary subject/affectation like Lou Reed, but it's there just the same.

Andy Greene   -   It would be hard to count how many times Paul McCartney’s  sung Blackbird, Lady Madonna, We Can Work It Out and Let It Be, but it's never like watching Van Morrison sleepwalk through Brown Eyed Girl for the millionth time. He still sings them with passion, and even something as well-worn as Yesterday manages to remain very moving.
Brian Kauffman   -   I've never seen Van live, but I've heard some bootlegs, and I get the impression that Van's music doesn't click in concert.

extremelisteningmode   -   Van’s blend of Celtic soul, jazz and groove has the power to inspire and beguile. Which is odd, as he is a gruff little tool with an unreconstructed sense of self-worth and a contempt for, well, anyone who isn’t him, really. Almost poetically rude, it still can’t deflect from a body of work the equal of any of his contemporaries.

Sea King   -   There are plenty of reasons to hate Van Morrison without getting into his wardrobe.
Matt Lisac   -   It wasn’t THAT long ago that you didn’t have to be pretty to be talented. Sure, it’s always helped, but consider the following:  FDR: polio,  Janis Joplin: Ugly, Bob Dylan: Weird looking, Van Morrison: Wow… and Miss Piggy: A pig.  What do all these people/puppets have in common?  They all became famous for their abilities/merits/hilarious obsessions with funny frogs. 

Felonious Drunk   -   Have you seen the purple onesie he wears in the Last Waltz 
Bock the Robber   -   We did our bit for Credible Country when we got rid of Charlie Landsborough. We also attempted to eliminate Kenny Rodgers and Van Morrison, but they were too quick for us, though we did manage to inflict an ugly flesh wound on Kenny. I’m not saying Van Morrison represents the dark side of Country music, mind you: we attempted to eliminate him on the very valid grounds that he’s Van Morrison, a miserable, sour git.

 Anonymous   -   If Van Morrison has a religion, it's music and music alone, in spite of whatever you may hear about God on some select Van Morrison songs. Music is what he has come back to over and over again, from his childhood, through his philosophical searches, through to present day. It's what provides solace, wonder, and purpose. And at times it's as if he's trying to convert the rest of us.

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