Sunday, 18 September 2016

Funny Things People Say - Part 14

The Man - With a New Album in the Can

Sad - Tom Thinks He's a Little Japanese Girl

Lucy Siegle   -   A big part of me is going Sir Van Morrison? Really? A little bit of my love for the relentlessly grumpy former hellraiser has just been extinguished. Besides, if we ever do meet I will not be able to call him “Sir”. It’s not rudeness on my part, or because I determinedly campaign against honours as a Ruritanian colonial relic. My mouth just won’t form the words.

Carl Abernathy   -   I’ll be honest, Van Morrison’s lyrics on his new album, Keep It Simple don’t speak to me. I don’t mind the love songs, but the lyrics are predictable, even trite. I do mind the title track and Don’t Go to Nightclubs Anymore. The lyrics are downright annoying. Morrison comes across as a bitter, paranoid old man lashing out at anyone who’s ever criticised his music.

Jack Shalom   -   There it was. In my supermarket, over the sound system, Into the Mystic by Van Morrison. What have we come to? 

Sean Elder   -   Morrison has placed unwelcome mats before his house. He has been contemptuous of journalists, difficult with his collaborators and, at times, barely tolerant of his fans. Like some musical Andy Kaufman, he does not seem to care what people think of what he’s doing. And woe unto his imitators.

Jawahrel   -   Coney Island is a short syrupy ramble about Coney Island. It doesn't even feel like a song. Van is just talking through the whole thing. One Irish Rover has a xylophone that carries the song along, and it sounds like something you would find on a children's lullaby CD.

Simon Sweetman   -   I played with an Irish band fulltime for many years - it meant that for most of a decade I could not approach The Pogues, Van Morrison, The Chieftains or The Waterboys. A great shame of course. But a fact nonetheless.

Call Me Ishmael   -   Sammy Mahood never made it big but the pushier, rowdier Van Morrison did and as with so many whose audience only listens to pop music, Morrison's output is significantly over-valued, much of his stuff is shouty, sub-Ray Charles  R'n'B that was shit even when Ray Charles did it  but there are gems, especially on Astral Weeks and this, from much later, is almost enough to make one forgive his churlish, shouty abominations.

Mr Evans   -   Remember that business back in the 1990s when The New England Journal of Medicine documented the case of a 45 year-old woman who had seizures whenever she heard Mary Hart’s voice? Tom Waits is my Mary Hart. A Tom Waits duet with Van Morrison would probably do me in for good.

Michael   -   Roberta and I had a platonic relationship where, according to her, we were ‘best friends and could explore each other’s minds, but that’s as far as it goes.’ This meant that we spent most weekends together; shopping, going to the cinema, hanging out with friends and invariably ending up in her bedroom, listening to records by The Grateful Dead, New Riders of the Purple Sage, Eagles, Van Morrison and John Martyn.

Meg Whitman   -   Hearing Van Morrison's voice come out of Van Morrison's body is disturbing.

Formicah   -   Van needs to get Dolly Parton's old tour bus and just "do America" like in the old days. Take the band and get all the senior lunch specials along the way. Can't wait for the documentary.

Therealman   -   Van grew up to be a real dick. I knew him way back during his Cape Cod/Boston days. You could catch three sets of him and the band for about a dollar. He wanted me to introduce him to Jack, Burroughs, Allen, and the rest of the gang. I hooked him up. When he came to town in July 2009 the tickets were $350 each. I wanted three. I tried to reach him to see if he would comp me, just for old times sake. Unavailable. The man is unavailable, not at home, on vacation, out of the country, but unavailable. Well tell him I called and here is my number. No reply from the sob. He makes it clear who makes his suits for him now. Back when, holes in his shirt and jeans. Big effing deal.

Daysicle   -   I asked Van on a whim because I had Montreal on my mind “how many Leonard Cohen songs have you performed?” The answer-an emphatic “none!”

John Meagher   -   Let's get one thing straight about Van Morrison: he's been treading water for a very long time. Every other year he releases a new album to widespread indifference and faintly enthusiastic reviews.

No comments:

Post a Comment