Saturday, 6 May 2017

Van-Inspired Writings: Part 2

As I've said earlier there's a whole world of Van-Inspired writings out there.  There are sentimental poems, fake anecdotes where the author imagines being with Van, short stories with Van as a character and even manga with a character named Van Morrison.  Mike from the Unremitting Failure blog wrote the piece below based on the following comment by Van's then wife Janet Planet.  She claims Van desperately wanted to meet Bob Dylan, but was too shy to approach him.  Does this count as 'fan fiction'?

Van Morrison's Woodstock Diary

"Van fully intended to become Dylan's best friend, but the whole time we were there they never met." She winced at the memory. "Every time we'd drive past Dylan's house--Van didn't drive, I did--Van would just stare wistfully out the window at the gravel road leading to Dylan's place. He thought Dylan was the only contemporary worthy of his attention. But back then, Bob just wasn't interested in him." 

-  Janet Rigsbee, Morrison's then spouse

June 1: Didn't see Bobbo.

June 2: Spent day standing about on the road outside Bob's house.  No sign of Bobbo.

June 13: Spent day on Bobbo's shed roof.  A bleeding pigeon tried to bugger me. I would like to think my attempt to meet Bob will help me write new material. What new material?  Nobody wants to listen to a song about being sodomized by a bleeding pigeon.

June 24: Ran after Bobbo's car.  Ran like mad, I did.  I clearly saw him looking out the back window at me as his car receded into the distance.  He was smiling!

July 5: Spent the day drawing up the blueprints for a large Bob Dylan trap.

July 9: Successfully trapped Bob Dylan's dog.  I know it's his dog, because the name on the little golden dog collar was "Bob Dylan, Jr."

July 23: Your Dylan is a slippery creature.  I spent the entire night in a tree in his backyard, with a view of his bedroom window.  Unfortunately he spotted me, and proceeded to take potshots at me with a small bore rifle.  He said, "You're either a bear, or Van Morrison.  And bears don't climb trees. Or plead in an Irish accent!"

August 11: Still recovering from bullet wounds.  Why hasn't Bob come to wish me a speedy recovery?

August 20: I may as well face it, Bobbo doesn't want anything to do with me.  Is it my rolypolyness? My dank Irish soul? My de do bop, de do bop a doo dooness? Oh, domino!

August 91: I know, there is no August 91, not in a sane person's world.  But I'm drinking a quart of Irish whiskey a day.  Yesterday I hid in a convenient trench outside Bob's house.  At noon a cement mixer arrived and filled it with cement.  It would appear that I'm now part of Bob Dylan's carport. Perhaps I can write a song about that.*

*Morrison's song Brown Eyed Carport inexplicably failed to chart in November 1970.  Nor did its flipside, Astral Pigeon Sodomy.

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